he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level