I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation Theyâ€™ve Ever Been In
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN