Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.

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  (201): remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal. http://tfl.nu/yu6k
  Replies (5) Good night (1197) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How has he not realized you're pregnant?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Spanx.

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  (973): How has he not realized you're pregnant? (201): Spanx. http://tfl.nu/ts9v
  Replies (31) Good night (1305) Bad night (5382)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.

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  (319): My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home. http://tfl.nu/nin0
  Replies (12) Good night (8722) Bad night (972)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"

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  (208): They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!" http://tfl.nu/fyfv
  Replies (10) Good night (1747) Bad night (3507)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.

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  (250): I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not. (250): A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop. http://tfl.nu/aiao
  Replies (13) Good night (1362) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"

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  (480): Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good" http://tfl.nu/cw6w
  Replies (6) Good night (1333) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.

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  (574): I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her. http://tfl.nu/9498
  Replies (3) Good night (2029) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine

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  (763): Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine http://tfl.nu/hxv4
  Replies (6) Good night (1374) Bad night (497)
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  (427): View more from

  Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.

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  (427): Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it. http://tfl.nu/to7a
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"

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  (608): I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better" http://tfl.nu/176v
  Replies (10) Good night (1384) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.

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  (303): You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out. http://tfl.nu/5jzq
  Replies (4) Good night (557) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.

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  (856): I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing. http://tfl.nu/phds
  Replies (1) Good night (774) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle

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  (616): so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy (313): Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle http://tfl.nu/8mxh
  Replies (5) Good night (1073) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...

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  (540): I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying... http://tfl.nu/wais
  Replies (1) Good night (304) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.

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  (715): When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze. http://tfl.nu/659s
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (218)

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