I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yo dont text me then not text me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
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im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.