He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.