so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
time to smoke my breakfast
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK