Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
two words: eviction party
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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