what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
