Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
