I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize