I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
