oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
