i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
