he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
