I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
