so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize