Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
