Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
