Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
