I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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