Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
