my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
