my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
