dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
