Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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