awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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