some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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