I'm going to jail i love you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
