if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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