so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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