Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
