The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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