I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
