the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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