i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
