Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
should my penis look like a turkey
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
