we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so let's talk penis.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
