Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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