It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
