My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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