No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
