things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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