My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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