we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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