I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This can only be settled by a dance off.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
