my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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