Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
