Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
