bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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