yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
