I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
