I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
