i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Your dad touched me again.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
