I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
