i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
