I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
