Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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