You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
