I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
