I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
