The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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