24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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