Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
