We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
