Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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