Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
