Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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